I tried not to have high Expectations but I failed….

His response “There was no one specific thing that made me do it. It just happened. ” The response left me disappointed and hurt.  Hurt that he wouldn’t make any effort to write something other that sentence. Where was his effort to the statement he made to me “I’ll do anything….”  Our emails went back and forth for at least 20 minutes and then he called and we were stuck in that place again.  Another night ruined, with tears, etc. He did tell me that nothing in particular lead to it.  Although it hurt to hear it, he said “he did it because he could, he wanted to and he knew the consequences but didn’t think about them (I would say didnt want to)”.  He felt I was putting work before us, staying when I didn’t need to stay and that when we talk I’m always on my phone, facebooking, texting and he didn’t have my attention. Like he didn’t matter. Needless to say, I didn’t like what I heard but it needed to be said so I know what I need to focus on, besides I asked right? Right.

This morning is a new day and our resolution or shall I say compromise, is for me to tell him how I’m feeling on my bad days and he will listen and assure every time I need it, but we can’t rehash the past, its done and it won’t change it.  He said “you want a concrete guarantee that I won’t do it again and  I’m not saying I’m going to do again but I’m not perfect and God is the only one who doesn’t make mistakes.  People will fail you he said.”  He’s right I’m trying to control everything to make sure it doesn’t happen but he’s responsible for that side of the street not me.  I can only trust in God’s promise.  Sometimes I get off track remembering and believing that but again I’m not perfect either.

One thing I need to remember is… Women and Men do not think alike.  I felt the email I sent to him yesterday was heartfelt, sincere with no animosity attached to it but his thought was not the same.  He couldn’t get what was I was feeling, he only got that I was lashing out.  Face to face is a better solution for him and for us so there’s no misunderstanding.

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4 thoughts on “I tried not to have high Expectations but I failed….

  1. I would like to start by saying I have been where you are…many times.
    My husband and I have just started a blog, praying that our “not normal” will help other marriages. I say, “not normal” because it is what it is.
    I will not share much detail about our personal story unless you would like to hear it.
    Seeking God and staying with your husband is the most amazing thing a woman can do for herself, her marriage, her family as well as her husband.
    The worst thing a couple can do is not seeking out the correct help. For years we talked with our pastor, who is also a good friend and has a normal marriage. We talked with our men’s pastor who is also a good friend and has walked where we’ve walked yet, not to the extent. They both say now that they had no idea how to help us or what to say. It has taken numerous affairs and over 20 years to find what and whom we needed to counsel with.
    With all of that said, it isn’t just counseling…it has to be humility, a heart change and the desire for a lifestyle change.
    We did the aggreements, the “that’s the past” thing, the “I just have to trust him” thing…they weren’t enough.
    If you’d like to ask questions or just talk I understand…really understand.

    • Thanks sooo much for your feed back. We have gone to counseling and a the weekend to remember conference. I make sure if I follow a blog regarding this topic that there focus is restoration and recovery. Because thats all I’m after. I made my decision today that divorce is not an option. I know I need to trust God completely and you’re right this experience although painful at times, I know will end up amazing for me and for us. Because we will be a testimony for others and possibly be able to help someone else. It is definitely about humility and changed heart. I would love to talk. I’m new to this blog thing. Does it offer private messaging or do you have another avenue of communication?

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