The weekend has been great and its when I always feel my safest because I know for sure there’s no contact. I’m usually dreading Monday because one, I have to see her and two, I have no idea if my husband’s telling the truth about contact, especially since he now has an office phone and email I cant track. Can you say control freak?! I chalk it up to being a normal process though. However, today I found the courage (God gave it to me) to act like a grown up and instead of accusing, being full of fear or being silent and him asking whats wrong, I looked at him during breakfast and said. “honey I have to tell you something….I dread Monday’s because I have no control over what goes on when I’m at work.” I expressed that I feel safer on the weekends because I know for sure you are all mine.” He looked at me and said “Honey, I am yours and only yours” you have nothing to worry about. I can’t ask him for an arm or a leg, that is pretty much all I can expect. The rest is his responsibility and my mine is to trust God and change my way of thinking. I wonder while I was washing the dishes, if someone like my sister asked if i think I made the right decision by staying and I thought would I say “I dont know?” Then I realized and said it out loud, “the choice to do the right thing, especially where God is concerned is always hard and that’s how I know I made the right decision because its freakin HARD!” Then my mind moved on. I’ve read a couple of blogs about right thinking and how to push negative thinking aside by deciding is it fact or fiction? If there’s no evidence, its not fact and it must be pushed to the side. I’ve pushed a lot to the side this weekend and I feel alright.
Tomorrow is a new day God willing. I pray I keep moving forward and take another step forward and not backward. God willing.