Being my husband, I guess he could sense I was feeling some type of way but I said I’m fine and left it because I’m trying to let God work it out for me. I’ve made a firm decision to trust God and stand on his word and have joy no matter what it looks like. I don’t want to be happy just based on circumstances anymore. Its not how I wanna live.
When we went to bed last night, he said “You know, I really love you honey.” my reply…”I know you do and I love you”. He said he was glad to hear that I knew, and it gave him assurance. What I wanted to say but didn’t was, “I know you love me and I’ve always known but I can’t trust you. Because loving and trusting aren’t the same thing.” I hope he isn’t mistaking love for trust. He’s a smart man so hopefully he gets that because I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to ask if he knew the difference. He might feel offended.
I’m surrendering and putting ALL of my trust in God and no matter what it looks like, I will not faint. I have finally decided in my mind and heart that divorce is not an option and Satan will not destroy us.