At this moment, I feel blessed. The mental rollercoaster has subsided a bit, the triggers are a little less, I’m training my mind to not have those flashes of them together, we still have our struggles but the emptiness, dark grief is gone.
I’m stronger, walking in love for God so that he can restore our marriage. I still don’t trust my husband but I am slowly trusting God and believe me its a process. I read something that gave me relief about my faith in God and it was that trusting God is a process and it comes, but slowly and reading that helped me not feel like I was failing God. He knows I’m not perfect which is a relief. Its one day at a time for my husband and I. Insecurities are there but not overwhelming. I’ve taken action and I’m getting my resume together to find to try and find another job where I never have to look at the affair partner again (God has not found her another job so I still have to look at her). I’m in an ok place today and ok is alright.